Reindeer Crossing
by LokiWaterDraca
Summary: Screamers got a bit to learn about letting Skywarp know what new human customs the 'bots are celebrating... once a one shot now a collection of ficletts and random bunnehs.
1. Chapter 1

Happy Holidays guys! I know the excuse is getting one but… Sorry I couldn't help it! Rated for mentions of smutty goodness… and this IS slash ^_^ Hope you'll all enjoy my little bit of cracky fun! Oh and Megatron is just a bit OC... but it cant be helped I'm sorry.

* * *

"Stupid autobots… stupid squishies… stupid!" Starscream's grumbling was cut off by one of his wing mate's chuckle as Thundercracker thoroughly enjoyed his leaders complaints against the autobots during the treaty conference. At the same time Skywarp was giggling and doing barrel rolls, happily dancing in the sky at the prospect of what the treaty entailed. It was a human tradition to not fight on their winter main holiday; the most pressing was Christmas, a wonderful display of giving… at least to most.

"Cant we set up a tree Screamer? like the autobots did? _Please_??" He begged, flying up to gently prod Starscream's wing with his own, despite the danger in the possibility of crashing.

"Skywarp… _why_ in the name of primus would you want to decorate a _tree_ and put it in the middle of our base? It's more of the humans stupidity! They actually want an _elder human_ to break in and give them _gifts _despite not knowing him!"

"But it sounds fun to decorate… and if you ask Megatron he could… _request_… something of you!" Speaking up Thundercracker put emphasis on the fact that their trine leader and the decepticon leader hadn't had a union for some time, he knew all to well what Megatron's requests turned into after receiving more then one himself. They constituted interfacing, rough and hot… and Starscream loved them, even though he could have their leader any time he wanted… they could all have him if they simply asked. There were perks to the four being bonded, such as influence.

"If you want it so much you two why don't you guys ask!"

"Because we know you want to do it too." Skywarp chirped, transforming and then catching up to give his trine leader the look that normally got him his way with any mech or femme.

"Fine! I'll ask if we can celebrate this Christmas and New Years thing… as long as it's not too over done."

* * *

"Thundercracker… this constitutes as too over done you glitch head!" Putting a clawed hand on his face the seeker sighed, having come back from patrol to find the entire base in a frenzy of work, even the music of a human radio station blaring from a very stressed looking Soundwave. His cassettes where clustered around him, helping to make ornaments for the tree that was as tall as Megatron and looking more like the sparklings that they truly where.

Around them others had gotten into the spirit, even Megatron who sauntered up to his Air Commander with a smirk that rivaled no others. "You failed me yet again Starscream! I thought I told you to oversee this celebration and make it memorable, better then the autobots!"

Starscream twitched and glared, making note to have Skywarp be put in charge of things from then on before he looked down at the nearby table and spotted a very large pile of tinsel. A grin forming he snagged it up and threw it at Megatron, the thin strands turning his lord into a living decoration. "Happy now my liege? I doubt Optimus Prime is going to be a living ornament-" He squawked as the silver mech advanced and kissed him roughly. "Is that so Starscream?" Megatron purred, pushing the seeker back against the wall while enjoying himself to an almost scary degree. "I bet his second' isn't a living decoration either hmm? Not like you…"

"What! No! I mean… awe scrap."

* * *

"I'd suggest you not pout Screamer, it makes me want to jump you and as far as I know it's quite normal to interface during this holiday season…" Megatron was happily taking video and pictures of his bonded, who had been painted green, a string of lights strung around his body while other ornaments had been hung from various parts of his body. Not only that but a 'present' was hung from his wing on a wire, inside were different toys, shock sticks, chains and other things to make a seeker scream in pleasure.

"Mmn thse hate thuo!"

"I see that gag is working well too… hmm… I think I like this human holiday!"

"Frthgefing glithins Methathron!"

"Don't worry you're only mine… and you're only going to be shown in front of the entire base Starscream, then I'll bring you back and clean you up I promise."

The half relieved look that had formed on the seekers face fell as he started squirming and screaming as loud as he could.

"Aww poor seeker, I'll have to make sure you get a good gift hm?"

"Thnghen frathins hathe grthathing Methatrhron!"

* * *

High grade… oh getting high was one of the few things Starscream was enjoying! Well… except Megatron's new found insatiable libido… that he was _loving_. Remembering the fun Megatron had given him while he was tied up and helpless made the seeker barrel role, just barely missing the bird that was flying his way. Oh well it was just a tiny little… and that wasn't! Transforming Starscream hit himself to make sure it wasn't his buzz that was making him see things.

"That can't be… the humans are insane!"

But it was, nine reindeer were lined up, moving in sync and pulling a fair sized red sleigh, an elder bulky human dressed in red was driving it. He was also heading right towards Starscream, who pulled to the side and continue watching as the human known as Santa Claus went passed him. Said human looked over at him and waved, winking and laughing in a strange manor before his 'deer snorted and sped up, going far to fast to be normal.

The entire time Starscream was speechless and frozen, making no sound as he transformed and went back to the base, landing only to be instantly grabbed by Megatron.

"Starscream where in primus name did you go? We were so… worried."

"No you were just in need of-" Silenced from a rough kiss the decepticon leader held up a bunch of mistletoe and grinned widely.

"You're higher off high grade then me…"

"Yup."

"But, listen! Humans aren't as crazy as-" Being silenced again Starscream gave up, allowing himself to be dragged back to their room while a hand ran across one of his wings and made him make some very yummy sounds.

* * *

"Wake up! WAKE UP!!"

"For the love of… go away Skywarp, you're like a sparkling… and it's not even light out."

"But it's technically Christmas!"

Megatron growled to himself and sat up, pushing Skywarp from his perch on top of Starscream. "Skywarp… why don't you go wake the rest of the base then? Start with Soundwave, tell them to be in the rec. room by dawn." Making the sound of a hyper chipmunk Skywarp bounced out of the room, allowing the other three mechs to sigh in relief and lay back down. Within seconds a very irritated Soundwave entered the room and plunked the purple seeker onto the berth, tied up with garlands of purple and silver.

"Joke undesirable, not funny. Request: never do that ever again… Unless having six hyper sparklings in your berth plotting your way to insanity is desirable."

* * *

"Starscream… I believe this is yours… you must have a secret admirer… shall I kill them?" Starscream scowled and accepted the odd shaped gift, looking on the tag. "To: Starscream, From: Santa Claus… Megatron you glitch head we each got one of these."

"We did… oh…" Going off to hunt through the stacks of presents he left the seeker to open the given gift, not seeking Starscream pocket the tag in his subspace.

"A polish set and… Cat… food?... what the slag?" Looking through the box the air commander gave a confused look as he looked around and noticed that each of his comrades had gotten something to use to take care of an organic animal called a cat…

Thankfully it was Thundercracker who found the large, hole pocked box that was addressed to the entire decepticon army, calling them all over as he opened it.

Inside where kittens, each one was unique in its coloring and had one or more names on tags on the collars. The box also had a large packet of instructions and Megatron picked it up to read it aloud.

"_Dear Decepticon Army,_

_I'm sorry to say I cannot list all of your names on this but I am quite busy at this time of year! Your autobot brethren received canines and I thought that perhaps you all might enjoy the fun of having felines as they are much like yourselves. Now I know most would expect you to be on my naughty list but… in my opinion and my lovely wife's you all deserve something this year too, if only because Skywarp actually left me cookies, though I don't think energon is good for me. I gave you each something for these beauties as well as something special for each of you, keep in mind that these little lives are in your hands and that it would be a shame if they beat you in this too!_

_With Love,_

_Santa Clause_

_P.S. Both of your armies tied for how many decorations you put up, though I have to say Starscream, you make a wonderful living ornament!_"

They all stared until Skywarp piped up, wings moving in excitement along with Soundwave's cassettes, who had climbed into the box of mewling squirming bodies. "I told you he was real!"

Starscream shook his head but said nothing, already reaching into the box to pick up a black and white swirled kitten, its reading the tag as it being his and Megatron's, kind of glad that his arguments against celebrating had failed.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

I have no clue what this is really... it was random and Monster BFC induced and... um... yeah ^_^;;

I dont own the songs mentioned either, or the manga hehe.

* * *

Sam swung his legs idly as he sat on one of the tables that where spread across the floor of the rec. room, watching the various mechs and femmes at they're various fun. Near him Optimus was sitting, leaned back and relaxed for once… and watching the human as he hooked an arm onto the table edge and leaned back, rummaging around inside his book bag for a few minutes before he found his MP3 player and the speakers that Miles had let him borrow. Setting that down he rummaged again, pulling out a metal can of 'Monster' along with a stack of books, setting them aside as well. 'Hellsing' and 'Parasyte' were the first two that caught Optimus optic's, not quite sure how to take the covers… and then the others were equally as weird, 'Gravitation', 'Fullmetal Alchemist', 'Bleach', 'Neon Genesis Evangelion', 'D.N. Angel', 'Trigun', and 'Death Note.' They were all… Optimus wasn't sure how to take them, especially the ones that were obviously about those who enjoyed death and destruction… and then he noticed the lyrics to the song Sam had started…

_There is nothing you can do that I have not already done to myself,  
There is nothing you can do that I have not already done to myself,  
There is nothing you can DO that I have not already done to myself,  
Oh no, there is nothing you can do that I have not already done to myself!_

_Never wanted to dance with nobody, not you!  
Never wanted to dance with nobody but you,  
Never wanted to dance with nobody but you--  
wouldn't take "no" for an answer, you fucking bitch!_

It was ethereal… Sam was so… he was innocent, naive, how could he listen to and read such things and not be affected? For primus sakes they were all books of pictures, 'manga' as they were called! The autobot leader could have groaned when he saw Prowl approaching, the human was deep into his book, sipping at the drink he'd pulled out and happy…

The tactician took one look at the books and numerous scans of the drink and MP3 player before he even spoke, optics and face showing his disapproval before he even opened his mouth to speak. "Samuel… why are you spending your valuable time studying horrors, listening to insanity, and drinking a mind altering drug?"

"… 'Eh?"

Optimus had to admit the look on the boys face was priceless, confusion wrapped in just plain innocence… but the song playing in the background killed the look so easily…

_And I'm sorry I don't believe  
By the evidence that I see  
That there's any hope left for me_

_It's evolution...  
Just evolution..._

_And I  
I do not dare deny  
The basic beast inside  
It's right here, it's controlling my mind  
And why  
Do I deserve to die?  
I'm dominated by  
This animal that's locked up inside_

It was a new song… interesting… "Samuel, studies have shown your actions to be the cause of your race's down fall it-"

"Dude, do I look like a schizo? Leave me alone, Alucard's about to blow some ones head off and then drink his blood… wait… since when is Monster a mind altering drug?"

"Since my scans showed that it raises the chances of your hurting yourself upon ingestion by thirty percent in comparison to the forty percent that comes with you sitting like that and then of course the amount of violence in those books and all of that music! Samuel your percentages of death keep rising each time I meet you!"

Sam blinked… "Dude… why are you speakin' smart person? Us red-necked mutts don't understand smart-person."

"Say… what? But you are smart, I don't… wait… mutt? Isn't that a mixed breed of canine? I'm sorry that logic… doesn't…" As Prowl fell over Sam looked at Optimus with a look of 'what the hell did I do?', setting his book aside for a moment. "Hes sensitive about logic remember? And you humans are the most illogical creatures he's seen."

"Keh! This is nothing, I don't randomly do the caramel dance or chug a Amp then run and jump off a high object at least… or some of the other stupid stuff that people I know do."

Optimus shook his head, not understanding the human either but staying silent and simply watching while the others helped get his 2IC away from them and to a 'safe' place. "He's just worried for you, he doesn't want you hurt."

"Hurt? 'Eh it'd be hard as hell to kill me, I'm a mutt, mutts last… heh, I wonder what he'll do if he ever saw Giraffe and Chipmunk at their normal self induced psychoness…"

"Giraffe and… Chipmunk… I don't know Sam, and I'd rather not think of that."


End file.
